New Year's Resolution

Please note the singular tone of that Title.  I am making one resolution this year.  It is something I've wanted to do for many years...I've always been envious of people who could do this, and I'm quite capable of learning how to do this. I am teaching myself the guitar.  Yup.  Years ago Matt gave me one of his old electric guitars to learn on and I bought a Guitar for Dummies book.  But I never read it.  This fall we got a grant for 10 new guitars at school, so that's perfect - now I have to learn because I have to teach it.  But still I thought I would only stay one step ahead of the kiddos.  BUT...BUT!!!  I have the best brother and sister-in-law in the world.  They bought me an acoustic guitar for Christmas.  My very own.  And it's pretty nice, too.  I mean, it's not top of the line.  But it's nicer than I would've bought myself, considering I don't know how to play.  So I've been practicing all freakin' day.  My fingers hurt and I think I have carpel tunnels already.  But I WILL become a guitar player this year.  This summer, when my entire family camps down at our family lot on Moosehead Lake, and my brother and cousin take out the guitars, I will, too.  That is my goal.  I may not be able to play a lot with them.  But I will play some.  And they will teach me some songs and I'll be able to follow along.  And I will not only be able to sing Me and Bobby McGee...I'll be playing it, too.  Kristofferson's version. Because he's hotter than Janice.

Sibling Love

Growing up, I always wanted more brothers and sisters. When Matt married Cathy, I got them - 3 sisters and another brother, to be exact.  And now that they're all married, we can make that 4 more sisters and 3 more brothers.  LOVE. IT.  The "Smurray" sibs are awesome.  We have a blast together - going to concerts, happy hours, or just laughing and hanging out at holiday get togethers. 

Last night, Cathy's brother and s-i-l had a holiday get together for just the siblings (grandparents had to babysit the kiddos!).  Food...drinks...great music...burning fire on the tv (love that station!)...and of course, the Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas drinking game. Christmas has begun!!

Note to self...

Dear Self,
I appreciate the pain and frustration you have felt over the past 20 years with migraines.  And I understand that after a glorious month of no such migraines, you suddenly realized what life could be like without them...and that it would be bliss.  So I also understand the urgency that you've felt the past few months to go full speed ahead to do absolutely everything possible to get these migraines under control.  However....it may not have been in your best interest to try them all at the same time...during the busiest time of the year.  Especially when one of these options plays with your emotions and mental state, and another causes physical discomfort.  Perhaps trying one at a time...or at least getting used to one at a time would have been more prudent.  Perhaps then you wouldn't have had 2 weeks where you felt like you wanted to cry at the drop of a pin...and you had to literally walk away from your students into your office to take some deep breaths because if one more of them yelled out "Ms Murray!", you would've either screamed...or cried.  Neither are good options in front of 6th graders. You also would've been able to be the teacher you like to be - connected to your students, asking about their day and ensuring they are feeling good about themselves.  Instead, you were disconnected and unfocused and unable to look them in the eye. Completing a thought was way more than you were capable of. Your parents were worried about you because they couldn't ask about your day without releasing the waterworks. Unstable.  That's what you were.  Unstable.  At the very least, you could've waited on going to the chiropractor so that the back pain and discomfort wouldn't have added to everything else you were already sorting through.  Your shoulders would not have little tiny burn marks on them from the heating pads you kept on all day long. All of this during concert weeks and the stress that goes on with that was probably not smart either.
That said...it was only a couple weeks of pure Hell.  Now that my body has adjusted, things seem better.  I'm myself again (mostly).  My neck is getting better (still working on that).  So sometimes making things worse for a short amount of time so that it gets better quicker is better, right?  No pain, no gain, right?    I honestly don't know the answer to that.  But self, I promise, I will be more responsible, and think things through before I put you through that again.  I will never make you feel like that again. I will never loose control of my emotions and mental capacity like that again.
                                                                                        Love and Peace,
                                                                                        Nancy Karen Murray

Um...Ouch.

After years of people begging me to go to the chiropractor to help with migraines, I finally went.  I'd been to one when I was in middle school and hated it...creeped me out.  So I've been avoiding it like the plague.  But for the last 6 or 8 months, I've had some serious neck issues.  And while I think (hope) this will help relieve migraines, I'm really going because I clearly have neck issues that have nothing to do with migraines.  On my best day, I am uncomfortable.  Most days I feel like I have a sharp pain in my neck.  Other days I have limited mobility. And still other days, the ache is so bad I literally can't concentrate and it can disrupt my day more than a migraine simply because there is not enough aspirin or ibuprofen to relieve this pain, whereas imitrex will send a migraine on its merry way most of the time.  With some added pressure from my acupuncturist, I finally had my first appt last week.  As it turns out, and I quote, my "head is basically on sideways".  Now, we laugh, but this really explains why the sopranos are better behaved than the altos - I can't frickin' see the altos because my head is on sideways! But I digress...the first appointment went well, and I felt like a million bucks for a couple days.  Today was my second appointment.  I feel like I was mugged and beaten and that million bucks was stolen. I hurt.  A lot.  My neck just aches...and it feels like I have a couple different cricks (sp?) in there...and it keeps cracking.  She also stretched my lower back today, which felt truly amazing at the time, but not so much right now.  My back is really tired and uncomfortable.  I was warned about this last week - that all of these changes might wreak havoc and that my body may feel like I'd just run a marathon.  I guess I naively thought that since it didn't react that way the first time that I was in the clear.  No such Irish frickin' luck. 
I have to go 2 more times this week and then we'll take it from there.  Since we're basically retraining my body, I have to go more frequently in the beginning until "it" learns to stay in place.  So I'll go more often this week and next...when all is said and done, I should only have to go once every month or two for some maintenance.  Suddenly I'm feeling like a car...but instead of a 35,000 mile check up, I get the 35 year old tune ups.  Ugh.  
All this shit better work...that's all I'm saying.  The good news is that I was able to enjoy quite a bit of wine over the holiday weekend...and cosmos.  That has not happened in quite some time.  So that's good...if we're measuring progress by quantity of drinks.  And I can think of no better measurement, can you?

Who's the grown up anyway??

I know I'm supposed to be the grown up, but when it comes to playing games with my nephew, I can get pretty competitive.  Today it was Sorry Sliders, War and Old Maid.  Ryan won Sorry Sliders, but it was a close game.  I'd never played that before so I was happy just to stay in the game.  I honestly don't see a huge point to the game.  I did win my first EVER game of War today...and I let it be known with some extreme yelling, and yes, taunting.  Not my greatest teaching moment, but thankfully Ryan thinks I'm funny.  Mimi, on the other hand, thought I was rather obnoxious, and thought I should be setting a better example.  I thought it was a good time to show Ryan how to be a good loser :)  I was irritated with Old Maid because with only 2 of use playing, and me dealing, Ryan got more cards, which meant that he got 1 more match than me...which  means he automatically won the game before we even started.  I was not really happy about that one.  We did practice Catch Phrase, which is my all time favorite game, and is something we'll be sure to play as a family over Christmas.  So with this in mind - and the fact that each team has to have one of the kids in order to keep things fair - I thought I'd help him hone his Catch Phrase skills and give him some ideas on how to give clues.  And then maybe, on Christmas Eve, I'd just happen to suggest Ryan should be on my team.  We'll continue this "bonding" experience for the next few weeks, in the true Christmas spirit, of course.  hehe.

Giving Thanks

I always feel inadequate during Thanksgiving.  Others are always so eloquent in expressing their appreciation for what they are thankful for.  I always feel like I sound insincere - and I think this is because I'm just a sappy person in general.  So when you say things over and over, they are taken for granted. For example...those who know me well, are aware that I am forever in debt to my family.  But that statement right there seems rather dramatic, which makes it seem insincere.  But it's not!!  So I'm going to try the opposite this year.  This is my unplugged version of giving thanks:

I am thankful for everyone in my life who has made me who I am, including family, friends, enemies and complete strangers.  Every person I have run into has had an impact on me and changed the way I've thought about myself, others, certain situations and the world in general.  Some have temporarily made me a more bitter, judgmental person, while others have  made me look inward to discover the ugliness of those qualities and given me the strength to change them.  Some have patiently held my hand as I went from one self analysis to another and supported each diagnosis I gave myself.  Others told me to suck it up, and stop dwelling on every detail and just live a little.  Some reminded me I am not the first, nor will I be the last person to have these thoughts or feelings.  Recognize them and figure out how to move on. Complete strangers give me so much hope and inspiration not only for myself, but for humankind.  This happens almost daily.  One look at a person less fortunate than me, who is able to smile and laugh, and have hope, can fill my heart with such joy and warmth.  It can inspire me to try give that same joy and warmth to someone else.  Imagine if everyone would pay that feeling forward.  On the flip side, a rude, judgmental, self-righteous person can first make me feel so much rage...which quickly turns to pity for this person, who must be so miserable.  All of these people - known and unknown - shape the work in progress that I continue to be.  To all of you, thank you.  I wish you all the peace and happiness that I am beginning to find.

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.  I love you.

Workshop Days

Yesterday and today we had teacher workshops, so there were no students.  The workshops, were actually quite instructive.  We had a couple of guest speakers on differentiating instructions.  While this seems like commonsense practice, apparently it is not. I feel like I alter lesson plans and homework assignments quite a bit to suit different learning styles and abilities, but it turns out, I'm not necessarily going about it the right way.  So that was good to know.  These presenters came prepared with matrixes and tables for me to use to get me started as I look at altering my plans going forward.  I've found that too many times we've had workshops where we're just told what we should be doing without any ideas or suggestions on how we should go about it. We have new administration this year, so I hope he continues this trend.  We also did a bit on technology, so I got to work on a new website for my classes.  I'm hoping to get it up and running in the next week or so.

Today after school, I was invited out to a happy hour with 5 other teachers around my age. We were all kind of feeling spent from 2 intense days and felt like we needed some adult beverages.  I don't get out much, to be honest.  So it was kind of great.  A great end to some good in-service days and a great beginning to a much deserved Thanksgiving Break.

Side effects

This post is more for my benefit.  I have a follow up appointment with my neurologist in a couple of weeks and I'm never good at telling what is wrong with me.  So...I've been on Topamax for 2 weeks now.  The first week was pretty easy...I didn't really notice any  negative side effects.  I did notice that I got fuller faster when I ate, though I didn't lose weight (or at least not enough to note).  My moods were better - presumably because I didn't have any migraines.  That's logical, yes?  Week 2 has been a bit rougher.  In addition to a couple more migraines, I've noticed that I've had times where I felt sick to my stomach.  I think I've figured out that it happens when I'm hungry.  It's kind of like I get no warning when I'm getting hungry...no hunger pains or grumbly stomach.  I'm just all of a sudden hungry to the point of nausea. This, of course, makes eating unappealing.  Usually after the first couple of bites, I'm totally fine, but for 10 minutes or so, I really feel horrible.  Once again, my migraines are different in how they feel, so I've had to get used to identifying them again....just when I get used to one type...ugh.  So frustrating!  Tomorrow I up my dosage to 75 mgs, so we'll see what that brings. I do have to say that overall I feel better, though.  I have more energy, and with the exception of one day, I have more patience with my students. 

I also go to the chiropractor on Wednesday for the first time.  I'm incredibly excited for this.  I know I have some serious neck issues and even if they end up having nothing to do with  migraines, I know that the relief it brings me will still be helpful to my overall mental/physical health.  On my best day - without any sort of headache - I always at least have a discomfort in my neck.  A dull ache or maybe limited mobility or sometimes worse.  I think often the neck issues antagonize migraines...but I don't think, in my own case, that they are co-dependent. 

Anyway, like, I said, this entry is mostly for me...so in two weeks I can look back right before my appointment and refresh my memory.  

I've lost my ear!

I actually swore I would never do this...but I'm looking into Grad Schools.  Truly, it only makes sense.  In order to keep renewing my teaching certificate, I'm required to take a certain amount of courses anyway, so I guess I might as well work towards something.  It would be a nice accomplishment - to have a Masters Degree.  Plus, it'd put me up higher on the pay scale.  Not that that's my only reason - but it is a factor, I can't lie.
But see, I've been out of school for 12 years.  And a lot of music education is ear training...and like everything else, the less you do it, the more you lose that skill.  Yes, that skill will get better as I "retrain" my ear, but in the meantime, I'm trying to keep up with kids who are fresh out of college.  It would be like....a quarterback who's been retired for 10 years trying out for a team against the Hesimann Trophy winners.  Seriously.  I just don't want to humiliate myself.  And honestly, I had a hard enough time with ear training courses in undergrad school - and that's when I was in my prime!If it wasn't for looking over my good friend's shoulder at her answers, I would've never passed that class.  I'm only slightly exaggerating.  I know in the end I won't be stopped because of my self doubt.  If I can give myself props about one thing, it's that I don't let my insecurities or fears keep me from doing things.  But I do have to talk myself through the process, and take my own pace.  I guess when I'm ready ready to take the leap, I'll do it.  I hope I get ready soon, because I'd like to get going on this next fall and the deadline for all the admissions material is April!

Mid 30's

It's official.  As of 11:30 this morning, I am officially in my mid 30's.  I have mixed feelings about this.  On the one hand, I am in a far different place than I thought I would be right now - most glaringly, single and childless.  But on the other hand, I think I am a better, strong, and happier person than I would be if my life had gone the way I thought I wanted it to go.  
Growing up I was always the one closest to my family.  I insisted on going to all family functions - which is great - but kind of abnormal when going through the teen years.  Upon many years of self reflection, I think my family was (is) my security blanket that I clung to.  As long as I was with them, I didn't have to deal with anything.  I didn't even have to talk - which, believe it or not, I really didn't do much of growing up.  I was very quiet and quite content to let others speak and make decisions for me.  Because of this, I never really learned who I am until  much later...MUCH later.  We call people like me 'late bloomers'.  Had I married young, it probably would've been just trading one security blanket for another and I would've never have found my own voice.  So while I have days where I am saddened that I have not found Mr. Right and that I do not have a child yet, it doesn't take long for me to remind myself that I will be a better partner and mother because of the extra time I had to figure myself out. 
I've found lately that I've started preparing myself for the chance that I may never find Mr. Right and what that might mean.  Will I be happy enough with just myself?  I  mean, I know I have an amazing group of friends and family who love and support and encourage me.  But like all, I want that one person.  Will I be happy if I don't find him, or will I always feel that emptiness.  Truth be told, the answer is both.  My happiness is not defined by a boyfriend or husband...but I want one.  Period.  And then....will I get to the point where I have a child on my own through adoption or IVF?  What a scary thought.  I know millions of people do this on their own every day, but can I? Well, I know mentally and emotionally I can, but can I financially?  I  mean, I'm a teacher.  I can barely support myself.  And if I decide I can't afford a child (that sounds so horrible), will I be happy without a child?  
So it's such an interesting position to be in.  On the one hand, I truly think I'm better off not getting married early and having kids, like I always dreamed would happen.  But now I'm at the age where my chances of getting married and having kids are decreasing every day.  I mean, I haven't given up, but I honestly have to face this possibility.  How depressing.  
So I'm going to be honest.  I don't think I'm going to love 35.  33...that was a great age.  Can I please just go back a couple years and stay there?  Or...better yet....can Mr. Right come knocking on my door?  Or at least Mr. almost right?

Feels like failure

I finally gave in and started taking Topamax.  Tuesday was my first day so it's way to early to notice anything.  I did have a migraine yesterday, but I'm still on the lowest dose, so I can't get discouraged by that.  I start at 25 mg for a week...then I bump it up to 50mg for a week...then 75mg...then 100mg.  Hopefully that's it.  My master plan is that, assuming Topamax works, I'll stay on it for a year.  At the same time I'll continue acupuncture and the CoQ10.  I'm also going to go to a chiropractor for a while, too, because I really do have a lot of neck issues.  My hope is that the Topamax will help me get rid of migraines but that once I kind of get out of this awful cycle, I can look to the acupuncture to keep them at bay.  Who knows if it will work, but that thought process made it a bit easier to start taking the meds in the first place.  So we'll see.

Haunted Mansion

The festival I just conducted took place in a town about 20 minutes from where I grew up. I played many basketball/soccer/softball games and traveled through there on my way to just about anywhere.  So I'm pretty familiar with the town. Which means that when I found out where I was staying over night, I had a slight panic attack.  The old mansion is haunted and has been for years.  Actually, there was a very damaging fire in 1994.  I remember this fire, because it was in the middle of winter, and when you passed the mansion it was so creepy because of all the icicles hanging from the burned structure.  I guess the ghost has not been seen or heard from since that fire.  But, there is no official explanation for the fire, and it's suspected that the ghost was a fire poltergeist - meaning IT started the fire.  Creepy, right?  Well, it is for me, as I not only truly believe in ghosts, but I truly believe at some point I will see one.  This is just a feeling I've always had.  I've, at times, 'felt' a certain presence as well.  
Anyway, Cathy and I drive up to the mansion in complete darkness in the pouring rain.  There are no outside lights out and no signs indicating where we should enter.  Finally a man greets us.  And he's weird.  Very weird.  I was so uncomfortable in his presence that I really didn't want to stay there...even if the ghost stories were false.  He showed us around the house and we passed right through the front parlor - where the ghost hung out and started the fire.  Then he showed us our rooms upstairs...one of the rooms was right above the parlor.  Cathy didn't know this...so I told her to take that room!!!  Our rooms were adjoining, so I made sure to leave the door that connected our rooms open.  It was a horrible, horrible night.  It was rainy and windy and the host had the place so freakin' hot and left us with very specific instructions that it's "best to leave the temperature as it is". Whatever that means (my theories on that shortly...).  During the night, I heard every creak of the house...and I swear to God, I heard feet shuffling.  Only we were the only ones in the mansion - the owner stayed in a separate part of the house.  Cathy heard noises in her closet.  For realz.  I slept awful - but more from the heat than from the noises.  But then I started thinking...why is it best to keep the heat so high?  Could it be because of the fire poltergeist?  No joke, that's what kept going through my mind.  All night.  Does the heat keep the poltergeist at bay?  Is it so hot BECAUSE of the poltergeist?
Seriously, I know I have an active imagination, but I really do believe in spirits, so while many will laugh this off, it was an awful night.  I'm not sure I have ever been so genuinely afraid.  
So with about 3 hours of sleep, I had to conduct a festival for 9 hours and then drive 2+ hours home.  Zzzzzzz....
Just another adventure in the world of Nancois.

Relieved and Proud

This past Friday was my first experience as a guest conductor at an honors festival.  A college friend asked me last May if I'd be interested, and after some hesitation (and nudging from my s-i-l), I said yes.  I was kind of weary because I'm only in my 3rd year of teaching, and I was concerned that I wasn't organized enough in my teaching approach...meaning, would I have enough to teach these kids? And, can I teach it in a way that is enjoyable to these kids?  Because even though this is an honors festival, at this age (middle school), most teachers will agree that we want the kids to have fun so that they continue in music.  I was also nervous because I know that at the festivals my students take part in, I always sit through  most of the rehearsals observing the conductor.  I love the opportunity to see how I can tweak my own teaching style.  You get some great ideas!!  But I know I'm not the only one that does that, and the thought of all these veteran teachers watching me was frightening.  One teacher in particular was of concern, because she had taught me in music camp many years ago.  Obviously you want to do well in front of those who taught you and influenced you.  One thing I had to my advantage is that my s-i-l was my accompanist (I told her the only way I'd do this is if she was my accompanist...so she really had no choice!).  It was so comforting to know that she had my back.  And she helped me pick music. And during breaks we'd confer and she had heard a few things I hadn't and she felt comfortable telling me that, and I wasn't embarrassed by not hearing it. 
Of course, everything went as well as can be expected.  Is there room for improvement?  Of course.  As soon as you think you've got it down perfect, you might as well go home.  As I said before, I am only in my 3rd year of teaching.  And, this was my first experience teaching 4 songs for 8 hours straight to students who are not mine.  Students with varying degrees of talent and interest.  Students who came in with different degrees of preparedness.  So overall I think I did well.  There are definitely things I'd do differently next time.  But here's the thing...you don't know what you'd differently until you've gone through the experience, right?  So next time I have the honor of being asked to conduct a festival, I have a better idea of what I'm in for, so I'll be better prepared and have a few more tricks up my sleeve.  The most important thing is that the kids had a great time and were proud of what they did.  And judging by the hugs and picture requests I got from the kids, I think this mission was accomplished.  
Here are some highlights:
1. an autistic boy sat in the front row...between songs he'd always put his folder on my stand to organize.  many might find that obstrusive, but I found it endearing.
2. after I did some solfege (do-re-mi) with them to switch it up a bit, the same boy was seen at every other break practicing the hand signs.  Before the concert he came up to me to make sure he was doing it right.
3. a teacher that was in the room all day (the autistic boy was her student) came up to me to discuss solfege and how I use it in my class.  It felt really great to be considered more knowledgeable about something and having caught the interest of a veteran teacher was kind of cool
4. There were 3 girls from my hometown in the chorus.  It was cool that they came up to introduce themselves and we joke a lot about my dad (who is their teacher). It was cool to be someone they looked up to from their hometown - someone who's interest in music came from the same music room and auditorium they learn/perform in.
5. It was a really special experience to share with my s-i-l.  Period.  The end.
6. Looking out into the audience and seeing my dad and aunt looking on quite proudly.
7. A soloist forgot her words during the concert.  I found her to make sure she was good....but she was bummed.  I told her I'd rather have a student take a chance and have the courage to audition with 30 other kids and have the guts to sing in front of people - even if she messes up a bit in the end.  Her messing up the words is not what I was going to remember from this day and I hoped it's not what she'd remember either. She has a beautiful voice and I hope she continued auditioning for solos because it gets easier the more you do it.  The look of relief on her face melted my heart. 
8. Giving every single kid a high five and/or hug after the concert to say thank you and good job.  They were pumped!
9.During the pre-concert pep talk, I told the kids this was my first festival - they all stood up and applauded.
10. Kids asking me for hugs and pictures after the concert.

A couple funny things:
1. I forgot to pack pants to wear on Friday so I had to wear the same clothes I wore to school on Thursday - thankfully Cathy is the only one who knew that!
2. the haunted mansion.  OK - this wasn't funny.  It was really, really creepy.  As were the people who owned it.
3. I called Cathy "Mrs. Smith" instead of Mrs. Murray 3 times (Mrs. Smith is my co-worker)
4.Cathy only called me Aunt Nancy 1 time
5. At the concert I looked at Cathy to give her the tempo and count off...before I had the chorus stand. 

Weekend Top 10

In no particular order...

10. Trader Joe's opens in Portland!!  I've so missed TJ's since I moved up from Boston
9. Great dinner with my co-worker and her husband.  She's a great cook!
8. "Aunt Nancy - we're so glad you're taking care of us this weekend!"
7. watching The Sound of Music w/Emily and Ryan - and answering their questions about what was going on in the movie - I love that they're so curious
6. Taking the kids to Jokers
5. Emily putting  token in a game, realizing a little girl had been waiting for a while, and letting the little girl play the game - w/Em's token
4. snuggling with Ryan
3. "Ew Ryan, gross!  If you don't stop tooting no girl will ever want to go out with you"
2. "Today was the best day of my life...and we still have to stop for ice cream!"
1. spending Halloween at Matt's w/his family and Cathy's family - big pasta dinner and trick -or- treating w/the kiddos.

I love my kiddos!!

Today we had auditions for the 7th & 8th grade honors festival.  I had about 12 kids audition against kids from 8 or 9 other schools.  We had a new auditions format this year so, to be honest, I wasn't sure how my kids would do.  Plus, most of them were 7th graders. 
I am happy to say...THEY KICKED ASS!  I am so over the top thrilled for them because they work their butts off.  And they all need this.  Every one of those kids needs something good to happen to them.  I'm not saying all their lives are miserable -that's not true.  But you know what?  Middle School is a horrible time full of self doubt and teasing and bullying and struggling to find a balance with parents and teachers and trying to figure out where you fit in.  There are many presumed failures at this age. As a wise adult (hehe), I know these "failures" are learning moments and stepping stones.  But to an adolescent, getting a B instead of an A is devastating.  So it's so nice that they will have an absolute success.  One of my 7th graders got the only perfect score.  Another 7th grader got the 2nd highest alto score - and she's one who needs this more than some of the others.  I want to scream through the halls and call their homes tonight.  I can't even post anything of FB because nothing is official.  They will all run up to me tomorrow and ask if they made it and will be bummed to learn they have to wait until next week.  And I have to contain my excitement and play dumb.  I just want to give them high 5's and big hugs and brag about them and let their teachers know so they can be congratulated.  I know they'll get this day...but I want it tomorrow!!
I am freakin' excited for them!!!!

The Hills Are Alive

When I was in 1st grade, Greenville High School's annual musical was The Sound of Music.  With my mother as the director, my brother and I were cast as Kirk and Gretle.  I don't mean to brag, but I kind of stole the show.  Not only have I been told this...but I knew it...even at that age.  I was up on stage, and I absolutely knew people thought I was cute.  They even added a duet w/me and Capt. von Trapp - a very cute father/daughter moment.  I relished the attention all of the high school students gave me for 3 months of rehearsals.  I found my home.  That experience - at the age of 6 - solidified my love of singing.  I knew I could make people happy.  The Sound of Music also has a special place in my heart because it reminds me of my maternal grandparents.  They lived in Florida and we would visit them every spring around Easter.  It seems we always flew back home the night that this movie was on...so I have very strong memories of sitting and watching it every year with Gram and Pop-Pop before we left.  
As I grew older, I began to understand the story better.  I have always been interested in that time period in the world's history.  I  have wondered if this interest stemmed from my love of this movie.  World War II is such a horrible time in our history...but here is a touching, wonderful story of love and being true to yourself and your beliefs at any expense. It also enforces how music can help us deal with various circumstances - fear...love...boredom...happiness...confusion.  No, we don't go around singing whenever we're afraid or confused.  But we do listen to music to help us sort through things.  
The reason I'm writing about this random subject is that Oprah is having the original movie cast on her show this Thursday.  When I first hear this, I looked up airline tickets to Chicago.  No joke. I cannot wait to see Julie Andrews.  Have you ever been asked the question, "if you could spend time with one person other than family, who would it be?"?  My answer is Julie Andrews.  I adore her.  She's talented and classy and represents childhood memories to me.  Christopher Plummer...love him, but I"m still slightly intimidated by him.  I did see him in a Broadway production of the show.  I cried when he walked on stage.  
Of course Thursdays are my busiest days...kids after school, piano lesson and yoga keep me away from home until 7:30.  But you'd better believe I'll be DVR-ing it...and this program will not be deleted.  Thursday will be a frabjous day, indeed.

It's never that easy

In the past 12 days, I've had 6 migraines.  Wasn't it just a couple weeks ago where I was bragging about how many days I'd gone without one?  I guess I jinxed myself.  Lesson learned- it's never that easy.  Next time I'll keep it to myself.  It all started on that horrible week that all we females are blessed with (please note extreme sarcasm), and I didn't think much of it.  I mean I just figured Aunt Flo would always bring me an extra gift in the form of pain that has to be comparable to labor.  So I wasn't really worried that week...and then the next week came and I had a couple more and I figured I just had to get out of this particular cycle...but I'm still in it.  Thursday I went to acupuncture for the 1st time in 2 weeks and that helped - for Friday at least.  This morning was worse than it'd been since late summer. The only thing I can think of is that I tried a different brand of CoQ10.  My acupuncturist said that they may process it differently which could make a difference.  So I got another bottle from him.  Here's hoping.  Honestly, my next neurologist appt is in December, and I really think if I'm not better I may  just throw in the towel and take the Topamax.  I'm just so exhausted and irritated from these freakin' headaches.  They rule my moods...and my life. I hate the thought of Topamax but I guess I need to weigh what my priorities are.  I was lying in bed waiting for my meds to kick in and I just kept thinking how angry I was and how I was just so sick and resentful for getting migraines so often.  I mean seriously - half my life is spent with  migraines.  That is not an exaggeration.  I am at least lucky enough that imitrex gets rid of my headaches, but  it seems kind of silly and stubborn of me to be so hesitant to take something that would prevent such pain.   Why am I refusing to try what has been so successful with so many other people?  Some family/friends don't understand natural remedies...so I think I get defensive sometimes.  So maybe I"m just being spiteful and trying to make CoQ10 work so that I can prove them wrong.  I mean - I AM a Scorpio, so I wouldn't put it past me.  Anyway, I guess it's more food for thought.  I have another month and a half before my  next dr's appt.  Maybe the answer will be obvious at that point.

When it's all worth it

There are many stressful moments in teaching...like periods 2, 3, 4, & 5 when I have all 6th graders.  There are many deep breaths going on during those classes!  I mean - they're such nice, kind, helpful, enthusiastic kids. But a little on the immature side this year - they need a lot of direction and I feel like a broken record when it comes to instructions.  But they're fun.  My favorite class this year is the 7th & 8th grade chorus.  Part of this is because the 8th graders were 6th graders my first year teaching.  So they will always have a special place in my heart.  But I know them best as well.  And they know me best.  They are great kids.  One girl in particular had a rough year last year.  She was really down on herself and lacked a lot of self confidence.  As a result, she got behind on all her school work so her other teachers and parents were coming down hard on her.  It affected (effected?  I never get that rule right) her whole personality.  So at the end of the year, I sat down to talk with her and really pumped her up about singing and music.  And stressed the importance of keeping up with all her school work.  We set out a plan for this year and I told her I was going to check in with her on all classes, not just music.  When I made the off hand comment "You're not a stupid person, you just got behind and made some poor decisions", she responded with, "You don't think I'm stupid?"  Really?  I felt awful for her.  So right from day one this year, I check in with her once or twice a week about things that are not related to music or chorus.  She's feeling great about herself and she's even auditioning for the honors festival.  I'm praying she makes it so she can feel like she accomplished something great.  Well, today after chorus she came up to me and said, "Today in guidance I was asked what I want to study when I'm in college, and I said I wanted to be a music teacher like Ms. Murray because she has inspired me in a lot of ways - not just with music."  It would be at this point that my heart melts and I go to give her a hug and she said, "Thank you so much.  I love you!"  That's when it's worth it. There are many incredibly frustrating things in the education field and many times like I feel politics prevent me from doing my job well. I will never reach every kid.  I will never be able to make every kid feel good about themselves.  But man, it feels good that I got one!

Passin' the gassssssss

Picture this:  you're in your yogi zone.  Breathing deeply and connected.  You are uncharacteristically focused and somehow keeping your mind from wandering.  It's a rare yoga experience, because while you do well with the physical challenges of yoga, the whole mind thing is just WAY beyond you at this point.  So you're in your zone moving quite easily from one pose to another.  And then...you let one rip.  It came out of no where...no warning at all.  No chance to clench your butt cheeks together in an attempt to silence this embarrassing bodily function.  Nope - full force.  As if that isn't mortifying enough, the yoga instructor decides to take advantage of your gas-ness and explain that true Yogi's not only embrace gas, but encourage it.  It's only in our society that passing gas is a no-no.  And we should not be embarrassed by this body movement.  Really?  We shouldn't be embarrassed?  It might not have been quite as embarrassing if we'd all just pretended to ignore it.  But no...it becomes a learning moment for all of us aspiring yogis.  I'm so glad I could contribute to the lesson.

Updates

Migraines...I have been 3 weeks with no migraine.  It's completely unbelievable to me.  I'm relieved, relaxed, and to be honest, a little irritated that this precious NATURAL remedy has never been mentioned in the 15 years I've suffered migraines.  I try not to dwell on that, though.  Instead, I do things I haven't been able to do in years.  This week will be interesting...a little TMI, but it's the wonderful week of the month where your hormones go batty.  This is the week of the month where I have 5-7 migraines...in that one week.  Some so bad that I have to 'shoot up' the imitrex instead of just swallowing a pill.  Normally by Tuesday, I'll have at least a little migraine.  So we'll see what happens.  Fingers crossed. I have an appt with the neurologist next Monday, so I'm interested in hearing what she has to say.

Working...Friday was my last shift at Venue.  It may be my last shift at a restaurant period.  I think the messed up schedule and the pounding my feet all day and carrying dishes and trays just encourage migraines.  It's hard money to give up, but now that I've had a taste of no migraines, I'm a bit addicted to it.  So, I'll find another summer job.  The music on Friday absolutely SUCKED and of course I had to close because it was my last shift.  I was miserable...it takes a lot for me to truly not like music.  But 2 of the 3 bands that performed honestly hurt.  I tried wearing ear plugs, but they were too big and kept popping out of my ear.  Ugh.  Awful.

Chorus...I've decided to stick it out for this semester.  We only have 9 rehearsals left and 2 of them I can't go to.  So I can suck it up.  I probably won't do next semester, though.  Matt has added a few songs that are a bit more challenging and interesting, so that's good.

Yoga...I'm not going 2-3 times per week and I love it.  Period. Nothing more to say about that.

Gym teacher...we'd been emailing back and forth since my initial email.  He kept asking questions, so I patiently answered them so he'd feel a bit more comfortable going out with me.  Friday I didn't get his email until after midnight when I got home from work.  I was too tired to write back then, and I was gone all day Saturday, so I didn't reply until Saturday evening.  I haven't heard back yet, so maybe he's not interested.  I know it's only Monday...but I'm just under the impression he's not that interested.  I'm a bit bummed out, but still excited I actually took the initiative on this one.

Please continue to send thoughts and prayers to David - my co-worker's son.  She's giving us daily updates and things are about to get worse because they want to take the tubes out so he won't be sedated (something like if he stays sedated the brain will 'forget' to tell the lungs to breath).  That means the pain will get through a bit more.  Oye.  He needs a lot of prayers.


Peace.

Reminders of a good decision

I love Saturdays in the fall.  It's on these fall Saturdays that I am reminded why I moved back to Maine.  Today I was first reminded when I was walking from my car to the soccer field where Ryan was playing.  I looked up and Emily had spotted me first and was running my way screaming "Aunt Nancy - we're over here!!".  I was reminded again during half time when Ry ran off the field straight to me to give me a hug and say "Hi Aunt Nancy" in the voice that makes my heart mealt.  He always uses the same intonation when he greets me - my very own.  I was reminded once again during the second half when Emily - who is about 6 feet tall right now - came over to sit on my lap and tell me that if I marry her gym teacher my name will be Nancy Kitchin.  And once again when Ryan asked if he could ride with me over to the field where Em was playing her game next.  The car ride over was a constant reminder as he talked non stop about werewolves and vampires and gave me a play by play of the latest episode of Wizards of Waverly Place. That should be enough reminders.  But it just doesn't end there.  Arriving at Emily's game, I was greeted by their 2 year old cousin, Cameron (who I get to be Aunt Nancy to as well).  He ran right to me and gave me a huge hug and said "HI!" in the cute voice of a 2 year old learning how to talk.  How about when he unexectedly ran up to me and gave me an unsolicited hug and kiss a while later?  Or when he brought the Dunkin Donuts box to each of us asking "wanna donut" (again in that adorable 2 year old voice).  Looking out on the field, I see a beautiful almost 9 year old who is confident and friendly, and in her glory with her friends on the field.  And I can't forget about the time I get to spend with my "sisters" - because that's what they are.  I prefer to drop the "in-law" part because they are my confidants and my cheerleaders and they give me so much confidence and encouragement. All of this on a perfect Maine fall day where I have to wear a sweater and my down vest along with my danskos and knee high socks (striped of course).

An Unimaginable Pain

The other day, a 24 year old man set himself on fire in Longfellow Square.  I learned yesterday that he is my co-workers son who is clearly going through a tough time right now.  He has been for a while, but this still came out of left field for his parents.  I feel horrible and there is nothing I can do. This is what keeps going through my mind...how horrible does one have to feel to want to torture themselves to death?  I mean, it' horrible enough when someone feels they have no option but to take their own life.  But he felt like he had to inflict pain beforehand. Or...as a witness said in an interview...it's like he needed to physically show the pain he was feeling inside.  Can you imagine that much pain?  It  makes me choke up.  And now he lies in Boston, already having had two (of I'm sure many) skin grafts.  His family must talk to him through plastic, and can reach in the plastic to touch his swollen face.  He hears them, and wiggles his toes. And his mother's prayer right now is that he doesn't feel any pain.  It's days like these where I count my many blessings, and wish that others had half the fortune I have.  Why isn't it spread out more?  It seems so unbalanced at times.  Why is my family from free emotional instability?  I mean - we've absolutely had our challenges.  But they were always temporary.  And I always knew it was temporary. How'd I get so lucky?  So, if you have some thoughts and prayers to spare, please send them to David.  He has a long road ahead of him, both mentally and physically.

Life is tough for a 6 year old

Ryan has a problem in school.  He can't seem to not interupt his teacher.  I mean, it's non-stop.  His teacher has called Matt and Cathy and they've spoken to him about. Really - it's a problem.  Well, now he's grounded because he got up to a LEVEL 3 today at school. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it's bad enough to warrant being grounded for the night.  Honestly, I feel bad for the kid.  I mean - honestly, he's just that enthusiastic.  He just always has a comment or a question about what the teacher is teaching.  Isn't that a good thing?  I mean, I understand we need to give other kids a chance, too, but is it really Ryan's fault if he's quicker that they are?  That's like punishing him for having blue eyes.


***there shouldn't be any doubt, but if there is...I'm totally being sarcastic****

Someone has taken over my body...

OK friends.  Sit down and take a deep breath.  I'm about to tell you something that will throw you for a loop.  Are you ready?  I asked Em's gym teacher out.  Sort of.  I mean, I guess I did.  I looked him up on FB...and emailed him. I figured I had nothing to lose, right?  If rejected, it's not like friends or family know him to make it that much more embarrassing.  I mean... maybe Matt would beat him up at parent/teacher conferences if I asked him to.  But I wouldn't do that because then this guy could flunk Em in gym class.  And we don't need that.  So, no.  If rejected, I will be a grown up about it.  Actually he already responded, but failed to answer my question.  He did, however, give me major credit for emailing him.  Then he asked if Em liked him for a gym teacher...and then he asked what made  me notice him.  Um...well...you're kind of good looking?  Hellllloooo?  Fishing for a compliment, buddy?  Oye.  Anyway, while I hope he takes me up on it, I do have to say I'm pretty damn impressed with myself right now either way.  This is SOOOOO not like me!!!   I'm blaming the yoga and the lack of migraines...it's easier to feel good about yourself when you're not in fetal position.  Speaking of which...it's been 17 days.  SHA-ZAM!

Ryan:  "Aunt Nancy...do you know what would be really cool?  If just you and me could go to Disney World.  But no one else.  Just us."

Me: "Jeez Ryan...I don't know.  That's pretty expensive."

Ryan;  "But you could start saving now and then we could go next summer. I just really want to go to Disney World with you."

Me: "Ry - I'm just not sure I can pull tht off."

Ryan:  "Well, could we go to the IMAX theatre?"

Me:  "THAT I can do."

I heart my nephew so much.  I wish I COULD take him to Disney.

And it has come to this...

Last year I dabbled with online dating.  In the end, it's not for me.  But during that time I came across a guy that seemed like he would be worth a second look.  From his profile, though, it looked like he was an elementary gym teacher at my school.  Kind of makes it a little trickier, so I didn't do anything.  Then at Emily's winter concert last year, he was there!  I asked Em who it was, and it turns out that he's HER gym teacher (in Scarborough).  Cathy and I were being typical high schoolers and giggling and making stupid comments (it's amazing how much fun I have with my brother's wife when it comes to other guys!!).  But that was that. Until Saturday.  We were watching Em's soccer game with Cathy's sister, Cindy.  This guy came up again, and Cathy said she was going to have Emily set us up.  I was laughing hysterically, because we were joking.  Right?  Umm...not so sure anymore.  When I was leaving, Cathy yelled out that she is giving Emily my number to give to her gym teacher.  I don't think she really will do that, but knowing Cathy, she will find a way to set me up with Em's gym teacher.  Oye.  I am now using my niece to get dates.  Is this ok???  Who knows, but it's kind of funny.  
My only big news for today is that I decided to stop working at Venue for the school year.  Too much.  My piano/voice students will have to be enough.  

Just Plain Beautiful

That was today...just beautiful.  I felt great when I woke up and all my classes were simply awesome.  Both choruses had great rehearsals, the mean teacher is talking to me again, my co-worker told our students that she's preggers, and I got to listen to some cool music at work AND get cut early.  Mom went to Gville, so I have to house to myself this weekend.  I can't wait to wake up and be a bit lazy tomorrow.  A nice, lazy, fall day in Maine.  Not much beats that!

Peace y'all!

A look back on the day...

It all started with a test.  I was actually planning a head, and I wrote out the test before I left school yesterday, so all I had to do was photocopy it for my 50 6th grade general music class.  Easy, right?  Negative Batman. A usual, when I get to the copier, it's broken.  I fix it.  It prints out 5 copies of my 4 page/double sided test.  It jams.  This is repeated several times.  I finally get all the copies I need and head to my room to staple them all - since I couldn't get the copier to do that for me.  While stapling, I realize that one of the pages has all the answers on it.  Well, that won't do.  Forward march back to the office (did I mention my new school is wicked big??) to copy the page without the answer.  Back to my room I go to staple...and realize the page was double sided and now I don't have the other side of the test.  Wishing I had a Segway, I head back to the office to kill another forest.  I did finally get things right, but it wasn't easy.  The kids did well - as they should, because the first test, they're allowed to use ANY music notes/handouts/homework that we've done in class.  So yes - they SHOULD do well.  But last year's 6th graders still did horribly, so I was really excited these kids knew how to use their resources.  Baby steps, folks.  Small victories...
Chorus - AHHHHHHHH :)  I'm not the favorite of many staff because the kids that quit are now back in academic prep.  But, not my problem...anymore!!  Rehearsal was very nice and relaxed and upbeat.  Exactly how it should be.
The one stinky thing of the day is that a 6th grade teacher expects me to let the chorus leave 5 my class 5 minutes early so they can bring their laptops back to class before lunch.  Really?  That's going to take 10-15 minutes away from my 30 minute class.  Why is this my problem?  Well...I told him I would try it for a week and see exactly how much time it eats into class time, but if it's taking too long, we'll have to figure something out.  He didn't like that answer. To him, music is not a REAL class and there is no worth to it other than having fun.  I've given up trying to convince him otherwise.  Now I just do what I can to work with him as much as possible without it hurting my class.  Not an easy balance. 
Overall - a much better day than yesterday.  Day 12 with no migraine.  I went to a toning/sculpting yoga class tonight.  That's gonna hurt tomorrow!  I'm working at Venue tomorrow...gonna be a long day.

Peace.

Just Breathe

I am completely disappointed in myself today, and I'm having a hard time moving on.  Once again, a few kids dictated the mood of chorus - even after I told them that they could drop chorus.  They were still absolutely miserable.  One of the girls ran out of the room and when she got back, I told her to sit at a desk instead of with the rest of the kids.  As she sat, I leaned over the desk so that I didn't have to yell and no one else would hear.  Honestly, I was trying to do the right thing and not embarrass her.  Only she didn't see it that way.  She was upset because I was "in her face".  And while my intent was not to intimidate or humiliate, I'm afraid that's exactly what I did.  What should I have done?? I have 63 other 6th graders in the class - it's not like I can walk her down to the office...or even out to the hall, and leave the others alone.  It had to be addressed - she ran out of the room, talked back to me, and refused to do as I asked.  In retrospect, I know I should've just had her sit there during the class and let us both cool down and then addressed it after class.  But I was so frustrated that I didn't take a few seconds to step back, take a deep breath and evaluate.  I reacted too quickly.  For whatever reason, this girl gets that response from me.  And now I beat myself up for it.  Seriously - we're all flawed, right?  Why can't I let it go...live and learn...right?  Ugh.  
So anyway, after talking to their guidance teacher, we gave kids one more day to quit chorus - I thought about 7 or 10 kids were going to quit.  Ummm....try 20.  Most of them just need a study hall and I feel badly for them.  But that's the schedule.  I know throughout the year I'll get about 10 or so more to join.  So while I'm bummed out about that many dropping, I know it'll work out.  AND - chorus will be much more enjoyable for me and the rest of the group.  So I'm actually looking forward to chorus tomorrow.  I'm excited for everyone who stayed...they'll actually get to sing.  Yay for singing!
So not a Top 10 kind of day...we'll file this under "MESS" and hope for "BEAUTIFUL" tomorrow.

Re-Balancing

Today I began to realize that I'd begun to feel a little off balance.  I think one of the reasons is my reaction to the the 6th grade chorus I'm trying really hard to not react to them with impatience or anger.  That's not really fair to those kids who are doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing, right?  But I couldn't seem to have a different reaction.  And this pissed me off...how are these 6 or so kids determing how I react?  Argh!  Thankfully today was yoga day.  AHHHHH!.. Or should I say OMMMMM!  That's it, I'm hooked. I feel great!  
That's it.  No mess today.  Just all beautiful!

Peace.

To sing, or not to sing

Matt conducts a community chorus in Biddeford (Tri-City Community Chorus, or TCCC).  I used to love singing with this group.  Matt is absolutely hysterical, and quite frankly...he's really good.  All sisterly biases aside.  I learn a lot about him, not on how to sing, but how to conduct.  I find myself using things in my classes that I picked up from him.  And...I absolutely love nothing more than singing.  It's not University Singers...but it'll do. This year is fun, too, because Mom is singing with us.  Mom travelled with Up With People in one of the original troupes back in the day (with Glenn Close!).  She's rusty, but has a great voice and she is SOOO excited to sing next to me with Matt conducting.  
Here's the mess:  I literally don't get home until 9:30 every Monday.  I ALWAYS have meetings right after school, and then I give a voice lesson, and then I rush home, pick up Mom and make the 35 +/- minute drive to Biddo.  I dont' even have time to eat...which means I eat fast food...which really makes me mad.  I'm exhausted.  Really.  Then by the time I shower and get things ready for Tuesday, it's 11:00, and I have to get up at 5:30.  So right off the bat, I'm behind in sleep for the entire week.  So what do I do?  If I quit the chorus, I can relax a  bit on Mondays and not feel so frantic.  This will hopefully make the rest of the week smoother.  Maybe I can even pick up an extra yoga class, or go for a run.  I can cook a good dinner and have the house to myself for a couple hours while Mom goes to sing.  But if I quit, I don't have the opportunity to sing in a chorus.  Mom will have to make that drive by herself all winter long, which she's nervous to do.  And her special moment singing with me while Matt conducts is lost.  ?????  I really don't know what to do.  Looking ahead at my calender, I see that the meetings keep going until after the holidays.  I really don't know...but I think I need to figure it out before the next rehearsal.  It's not really fair to the group for me to quit once we're really in the swing of things.  
Today's good news? I've signed up for the Climate and Culture Committee at school, which will tackle the daunting yet extremely necessary task of addressing bullying.  Our first meeting was today, and I liked how it was handled and the things people had to say.  This is such an important topic and I hope we can make a difference here at Westbrook.
Today's other good news?  EIGHT DAYS WITH NO MIGRAINE OR OTHER TYPE OF HEADACHE!!!!  WOOT!

Peace.

A Lovely Fall Day in Maine

I officially have one follower!  Yay!!  I wish I had a fabulous prize for our dear friend, Summer.  But, sadly, you'll have to be content just knowing how happy I am that someone "follows" me.
Today's "mess" is actually from last night.  I decided to continue working at Venue Friday nights during the school year to give me a little extra money (trying to buy a condo in the spring).  Last night was the first Friday I worked.  I had a meeting right after school, so I didn't get to go home or relax...just went right from school.  It was about 5:00 when I realized I would be there until around 1ish...and I had woken up at 5:30....and been on my feet since then.  Why do I do this to myself?  I was at the point of crying at one point.  I had no idea what anyone was saying because I couldn't focus on them.  I couldn't even enjoy the grammy winning blues harmonica playing Charlie Musselwhite - which I would normally LOVE - because I was just so tired.  My knees hurt...my back hurt...and oh, yes...my dogs were-a-bahkin'.  I love my danskos, but they are not helpful when you're on your feet for 20 hours.  So at some point in the night I'd decided that this just wasn't going to work, and I'd just tell them I'd work when they needed extra help for the bigger shows.  Then...I counted my tips.  Ugh.  Guess I'll be working again next Friday.  It's so addictive to make so much money in so little time.  I guess I'll have to play it one Friday at a time and see what happens. I know there are people who do this every day, and I feel horrible complaining about it.  But I've always been someone who needs sleep...like anything less than 7 hours is brutal.  And I haven't had to work longs days like that since I was just out of college - so I'm a bit out of practice.
But here's the "beautiful" part.  This morning I woke up at 7:00 (ugh) and felt pretty ok.  Tired, but functionable.  I decided to go to my almost 9 year old niece's soccer game.  It was beautiful outside and Em did a great job.  I'm not sure she's really that athletic, but she looks great :)  She just got 4 braces on her teeth and was so excited to show off her "bedazzled teeth".  Cathy and I joked about the hot "FILF"...and decided that title was way cooler than "MILF".  After the game I took Ryan to play mini golf.  Dude - that kid is going to be a stand up comedian some day.  His latest quote to is mom is: "Mom -I forgot to show you my giant pickle!"  He was talking about a picture he drew of a pickle, but it was still hysterical.  We had a great time at OOB on the boardwalk after our not-so-competive game of mini-golf.  Spending time with Ry is good enough for a great day...but then I got home and our family's closest friends were visiting mom and dad.  To all my friends out there - these are the people who taught me what to value in friendships, and how to treat my friends.  Truly.  Love these guys, and it was great to see them.  Of course, tonight I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor, while they are in my prized possession queen sized, pillow top bed.  But whatever - small price to pay.
Must sleep now...tomorrow I'm hoping to go for a nice long walk - maybe on the blvd.  

Peace.

Darn it!!

I jinxed myself being all positive last night.  Of course today was challenging!!  How is it possible that one kid can determine the tone of a class?  Out of 60 6th graders, I have ONE that is so disruptive that it's just no fun for the others.  So I met with he and one of his teachers today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  I really want a good year with both my groups.  The 7th & 8th graders are awesome this year.  Fingers crossed everyone.  Tomorrow is a new day, and it will be better.

Migraine update so you're in the loop as I continue to write about this.  Two years ago I started going to acupuncture for migraines.  I found the daily preventative I was talking wasn't doing much, so I thought I'd try some needles.  I think this started my path toward doing things more naturally.  Anyway,  I had a horrible summer and decided it was time to see a neurologist.  I cannot explain the anxiety this gives me.  I am so freakin' nervous to go on a daily preventative and I'm not sure why.  I did find a neurologist who is very open to alternative methods, and she's also a migraine sufferer, so I'm optimistic.  I just hated it that when I discussed this with my dr., the first thing she said was to try Topomax.  I know that's the latest and greatest for migraines, but if you read about it, there are some pretty heavy duty side effects.  A good friend of mine actually contemplated suicide while on this drug.  So yeah...there's some reluctance here.   Well, my appt with the neurologist is in Oct, so my acupuncturist gave me CoQ10 to try...this is an all natural enzyme supplement that seems to work for many.  I started taking it last Wednesday, and I am now 5 days free of migraines.  I know this doesn't sound like much...but that should give you an idea of how often I've had migraines.  So again...fingers crossed.  

Oh.  My beautiful niece, Emily, got braces yesterday.  First of all - how is she old enough for braces?!  She's supposed to stay 3.  Ugh.  But the funny part is that she LOVES them because they're sparkly.  She says it's like she has bedazzled teeth, or teeth bling.  Her words.  Oye.  Matt said she's also getting a palate expander and headgear, so this attitude of hers is bound to be short lived.  Been there...it's not bedazzled, it's torture.  I feel badly for her.  But the end result will be good obviously.

I'm off - gotta go to the 7th & 8th grade Open House.  This means I get ice cream.  Good times.

Peace.

Welcome

A beautiful mess.  Why would I name my blog that?  Well...I have a beautiful life.  I'm incredibly blessed with an amazing family and friends who support anything and everything I do.  Move to Boston without a job?  Sure...why not?  Move to Maine and teach for the first time after being out of college for 10 years?  Sure...why not?  Guest conduct a district honors festival after only 2 years of teaching?  Sure...why not?  I feel like I can do anything because of my support system.  That's the beautiful part.  The mess part?  Well...I'm pretty much a trial and error type of person.  I don't give a lot of thought to much of what I do...I kind of just jump in because it sounds fun...or challenging.  This type of attitude is pretty humorous and many times it's a mess. Fortunately, there have been no major catastrophe's...just lots of humorous stories and many humbling moments.
It has recently occurred to me that I'm entering a new phase in life.  And it seems to be an interesting one.  I seem to have a very strong desire to be more "natural"...yoga...acupuncture...alternative treatments...more organic foods.  I'm not sure where this comes from, but I like it.  It makes me feel relaxed and confident.  It makes me feel strong and focused.  I feel like for the longest time (all my life) I've tried to figure out who I am...and I guess I'm finally finding it.  (cripes, took me long enough!)  I'm figuring out what I like not only about me, but for me. I WANT to take care of myself so that I can be a better person...not because I want to look better, or feel healthier. Those are just added bonuses.  I feel like I'm a better person living a more natural life (not sure what else to call it...organic?)  I've noticed  my attitude has begun to change...I'm much  more patient, and I choose how to react to things.  Instead of instantly being irritated or angry, I'm more able to step back and figure out if it's really worth that negativism.  Usually it's not.  School has been a struggle the last 2 years - lots of going head to head with the other teachers.  And this year, I'm just going to work with them.  Already I'm seeing results, and they are more willing to work with me as well.  It sounds so simple.  So why does it take 35 years to figure out???   Who care...I can't worry about that.  The point is I'm getting there.
So anyway, I thought it would be good to blog this instead of boring everyone with my theories.  My Lord, I have a lot of theories...about everything!! Migraines...teaching....family...cripes, I even have a gazillion theories on why I'm still single (I blame the upstanding men in my family - they set the standard too high!!).  I've never been one to write in diaries so who knows how this will work out.  But I thought it would at least be good to go  back and read as I journey through this next phase.  I'm optimistic and excited. 


So...let it be known that in the last week I have gone to yoga twice, gone to a Jason Mraz concert with my BFF, and gone 4 days without a migraine.  Things are looking good!!