Life is tough for a 6 year old

Ryan has a problem in school.  He can't seem to not interupt his teacher.  I mean, it's non-stop.  His teacher has called Matt and Cathy and they've spoken to him about. Really - it's a problem.  Well, now he's grounded because he got up to a LEVEL 3 today at school. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it's bad enough to warrant being grounded for the night.  Honestly, I feel bad for the kid.  I mean - honestly, he's just that enthusiastic.  He just always has a comment or a question about what the teacher is teaching.  Isn't that a good thing?  I mean, I understand we need to give other kids a chance, too, but is it really Ryan's fault if he's quicker that they are?  That's like punishing him for having blue eyes.


***there shouldn't be any doubt, but if there is...I'm totally being sarcastic****

Someone has taken over my body...

OK friends.  Sit down and take a deep breath.  I'm about to tell you something that will throw you for a loop.  Are you ready?  I asked Em's gym teacher out.  Sort of.  I mean, I guess I did.  I looked him up on FB...and emailed him. I figured I had nothing to lose, right?  If rejected, it's not like friends or family know him to make it that much more embarrassing.  I mean... maybe Matt would beat him up at parent/teacher conferences if I asked him to.  But I wouldn't do that because then this guy could flunk Em in gym class.  And we don't need that.  So, no.  If rejected, I will be a grown up about it.  Actually he already responded, but failed to answer my question.  He did, however, give me major credit for emailing him.  Then he asked if Em liked him for a gym teacher...and then he asked what made  me notice him.  Um...well...you're kind of good looking?  Hellllloooo?  Fishing for a compliment, buddy?  Oye.  Anyway, while I hope he takes me up on it, I do have to say I'm pretty damn impressed with myself right now either way.  This is SOOOOO not like me!!!   I'm blaming the yoga and the lack of migraines...it's easier to feel good about yourself when you're not in fetal position.  Speaking of which...it's been 17 days.  SHA-ZAM!

Ryan:  "Aunt Nancy...do you know what would be really cool?  If just you and me could go to Disney World.  But no one else.  Just us."

Me: "Jeez Ryan...I don't know.  That's pretty expensive."

Ryan;  "But you could start saving now and then we could go next summer. I just really want to go to Disney World with you."

Me: "Ry - I'm just not sure I can pull tht off."

Ryan:  "Well, could we go to the IMAX theatre?"

Me:  "THAT I can do."

I heart my nephew so much.  I wish I COULD take him to Disney.

And it has come to this...

Last year I dabbled with online dating.  In the end, it's not for me.  But during that time I came across a guy that seemed like he would be worth a second look.  From his profile, though, it looked like he was an elementary gym teacher at my school.  Kind of makes it a little trickier, so I didn't do anything.  Then at Emily's winter concert last year, he was there!  I asked Em who it was, and it turns out that he's HER gym teacher (in Scarborough).  Cathy and I were being typical high schoolers and giggling and making stupid comments (it's amazing how much fun I have with my brother's wife when it comes to other guys!!).  But that was that. Until Saturday.  We were watching Em's soccer game with Cathy's sister, Cindy.  This guy came up again, and Cathy said she was going to have Emily set us up.  I was laughing hysterically, because we were joking.  Right?  Umm...not so sure anymore.  When I was leaving, Cathy yelled out that she is giving Emily my number to give to her gym teacher.  I don't think she really will do that, but knowing Cathy, she will find a way to set me up with Em's gym teacher.  Oye.  I am now using my niece to get dates.  Is this ok???  Who knows, but it's kind of funny.  
My only big news for today is that I decided to stop working at Venue for the school year.  Too much.  My piano/voice students will have to be enough.  

Just Plain Beautiful

That was today...just beautiful.  I felt great when I woke up and all my classes were simply awesome.  Both choruses had great rehearsals, the mean teacher is talking to me again, my co-worker told our students that she's preggers, and I got to listen to some cool music at work AND get cut early.  Mom went to Gville, so I have to house to myself this weekend.  I can't wait to wake up and be a bit lazy tomorrow.  A nice, lazy, fall day in Maine.  Not much beats that!

Peace y'all!

A look back on the day...

It all started with a test.  I was actually planning a head, and I wrote out the test before I left school yesterday, so all I had to do was photocopy it for my 50 6th grade general music class.  Easy, right?  Negative Batman. A usual, when I get to the copier, it's broken.  I fix it.  It prints out 5 copies of my 4 page/double sided test.  It jams.  This is repeated several times.  I finally get all the copies I need and head to my room to staple them all - since I couldn't get the copier to do that for me.  While stapling, I realize that one of the pages has all the answers on it.  Well, that won't do.  Forward march back to the office (did I mention my new school is wicked big??) to copy the page without the answer.  Back to my room I go to staple...and realize the page was double sided and now I don't have the other side of the test.  Wishing I had a Segway, I head back to the office to kill another forest.  I did finally get things right, but it wasn't easy.  The kids did well - as they should, because the first test, they're allowed to use ANY music notes/handouts/homework that we've done in class.  So yes - they SHOULD do well.  But last year's 6th graders still did horribly, so I was really excited these kids knew how to use their resources.  Baby steps, folks.  Small victories...
Chorus - AHHHHHHHH :)  I'm not the favorite of many staff because the kids that quit are now back in academic prep.  But, not my problem...anymore!!  Rehearsal was very nice and relaxed and upbeat.  Exactly how it should be.
The one stinky thing of the day is that a 6th grade teacher expects me to let the chorus leave 5 my class 5 minutes early so they can bring their laptops back to class before lunch.  Really?  That's going to take 10-15 minutes away from my 30 minute class.  Why is this my problem?  Well...I told him I would try it for a week and see exactly how much time it eats into class time, but if it's taking too long, we'll have to figure something out.  He didn't like that answer. To him, music is not a REAL class and there is no worth to it other than having fun.  I've given up trying to convince him otherwise.  Now I just do what I can to work with him as much as possible without it hurting my class.  Not an easy balance. 
Overall - a much better day than yesterday.  Day 12 with no migraine.  I went to a toning/sculpting yoga class tonight.  That's gonna hurt tomorrow!  I'm working at Venue tomorrow...gonna be a long day.

Peace.

Just Breathe

I am completely disappointed in myself today, and I'm having a hard time moving on.  Once again, a few kids dictated the mood of chorus - even after I told them that they could drop chorus.  They were still absolutely miserable.  One of the girls ran out of the room and when she got back, I told her to sit at a desk instead of with the rest of the kids.  As she sat, I leaned over the desk so that I didn't have to yell and no one else would hear.  Honestly, I was trying to do the right thing and not embarrass her.  Only she didn't see it that way.  She was upset because I was "in her face".  And while my intent was not to intimidate or humiliate, I'm afraid that's exactly what I did.  What should I have done?? I have 63 other 6th graders in the class - it's not like I can walk her down to the office...or even out to the hall, and leave the others alone.  It had to be addressed - she ran out of the room, talked back to me, and refused to do as I asked.  In retrospect, I know I should've just had her sit there during the class and let us both cool down and then addressed it after class.  But I was so frustrated that I didn't take a few seconds to step back, take a deep breath and evaluate.  I reacted too quickly.  For whatever reason, this girl gets that response from me.  And now I beat myself up for it.  Seriously - we're all flawed, right?  Why can't I let it go...live and learn...right?  Ugh.  
So anyway, after talking to their guidance teacher, we gave kids one more day to quit chorus - I thought about 7 or 10 kids were going to quit.  Ummm....try 20.  Most of them just need a study hall and I feel badly for them.  But that's the schedule.  I know throughout the year I'll get about 10 or so more to join.  So while I'm bummed out about that many dropping, I know it'll work out.  AND - chorus will be much more enjoyable for me and the rest of the group.  So I'm actually looking forward to chorus tomorrow.  I'm excited for everyone who stayed...they'll actually get to sing.  Yay for singing!
So not a Top 10 kind of day...we'll file this under "MESS" and hope for "BEAUTIFUL" tomorrow.

Re-Balancing

Today I began to realize that I'd begun to feel a little off balance.  I think one of the reasons is my reaction to the the 6th grade chorus I'm trying really hard to not react to them with impatience or anger.  That's not really fair to those kids who are doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing, right?  But I couldn't seem to have a different reaction.  And this pissed me off...how are these 6 or so kids determing how I react?  Argh!  Thankfully today was yoga day.  AHHHHH!.. Or should I say OMMMMM!  That's it, I'm hooked. I feel great!  
That's it.  No mess today.  Just all beautiful!

Peace.

To sing, or not to sing

Matt conducts a community chorus in Biddeford (Tri-City Community Chorus, or TCCC).  I used to love singing with this group.  Matt is absolutely hysterical, and quite frankly...he's really good.  All sisterly biases aside.  I learn a lot about him, not on how to sing, but how to conduct.  I find myself using things in my classes that I picked up from him.  And...I absolutely love nothing more than singing.  It's not University Singers...but it'll do. This year is fun, too, because Mom is singing with us.  Mom travelled with Up With People in one of the original troupes back in the day (with Glenn Close!).  She's rusty, but has a great voice and she is SOOO excited to sing next to me with Matt conducting.  
Here's the mess:  I literally don't get home until 9:30 every Monday.  I ALWAYS have meetings right after school, and then I give a voice lesson, and then I rush home, pick up Mom and make the 35 +/- minute drive to Biddo.  I dont' even have time to eat...which means I eat fast food...which really makes me mad.  I'm exhausted.  Really.  Then by the time I shower and get things ready for Tuesday, it's 11:00, and I have to get up at 5:30.  So right off the bat, I'm behind in sleep for the entire week.  So what do I do?  If I quit the chorus, I can relax a  bit on Mondays and not feel so frantic.  This will hopefully make the rest of the week smoother.  Maybe I can even pick up an extra yoga class, or go for a run.  I can cook a good dinner and have the house to myself for a couple hours while Mom goes to sing.  But if I quit, I don't have the opportunity to sing in a chorus.  Mom will have to make that drive by herself all winter long, which she's nervous to do.  And her special moment singing with me while Matt conducts is lost.  ?????  I really don't know what to do.  Looking ahead at my calender, I see that the meetings keep going until after the holidays.  I really don't know...but I think I need to figure it out before the next rehearsal.  It's not really fair to the group for me to quit once we're really in the swing of things.  
Today's good news? I've signed up for the Climate and Culture Committee at school, which will tackle the daunting yet extremely necessary task of addressing bullying.  Our first meeting was today, and I liked how it was handled and the things people had to say.  This is such an important topic and I hope we can make a difference here at Westbrook.
Today's other good news?  EIGHT DAYS WITH NO MIGRAINE OR OTHER TYPE OF HEADACHE!!!!  WOOT!

Peace.

A Lovely Fall Day in Maine

I officially have one follower!  Yay!!  I wish I had a fabulous prize for our dear friend, Summer.  But, sadly, you'll have to be content just knowing how happy I am that someone "follows" me.
Today's "mess" is actually from last night.  I decided to continue working at Venue Friday nights during the school year to give me a little extra money (trying to buy a condo in the spring).  Last night was the first Friday I worked.  I had a meeting right after school, so I didn't get to go home or relax...just went right from school.  It was about 5:00 when I realized I would be there until around 1ish...and I had woken up at 5:30....and been on my feet since then.  Why do I do this to myself?  I was at the point of crying at one point.  I had no idea what anyone was saying because I couldn't focus on them.  I couldn't even enjoy the grammy winning blues harmonica playing Charlie Musselwhite - which I would normally LOVE - because I was just so tired.  My knees hurt...my back hurt...and oh, yes...my dogs were-a-bahkin'.  I love my danskos, but they are not helpful when you're on your feet for 20 hours.  So at some point in the night I'd decided that this just wasn't going to work, and I'd just tell them I'd work when they needed extra help for the bigger shows.  Then...I counted my tips.  Ugh.  Guess I'll be working again next Friday.  It's so addictive to make so much money in so little time.  I guess I'll have to play it one Friday at a time and see what happens. I know there are people who do this every day, and I feel horrible complaining about it.  But I've always been someone who needs sleep...like anything less than 7 hours is brutal.  And I haven't had to work longs days like that since I was just out of college - so I'm a bit out of practice.
But here's the "beautiful" part.  This morning I woke up at 7:00 (ugh) and felt pretty ok.  Tired, but functionable.  I decided to go to my almost 9 year old niece's soccer game.  It was beautiful outside and Em did a great job.  I'm not sure she's really that athletic, but she looks great :)  She just got 4 braces on her teeth and was so excited to show off her "bedazzled teeth".  Cathy and I joked about the hot "FILF"...and decided that title was way cooler than "MILF".  After the game I took Ryan to play mini golf.  Dude - that kid is going to be a stand up comedian some day.  His latest quote to is mom is: "Mom -I forgot to show you my giant pickle!"  He was talking about a picture he drew of a pickle, but it was still hysterical.  We had a great time at OOB on the boardwalk after our not-so-competive game of mini-golf.  Spending time with Ry is good enough for a great day...but then I got home and our family's closest friends were visiting mom and dad.  To all my friends out there - these are the people who taught me what to value in friendships, and how to treat my friends.  Truly.  Love these guys, and it was great to see them.  Of course, tonight I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor, while they are in my prized possession queen sized, pillow top bed.  But whatever - small price to pay.
Must sleep now...tomorrow I'm hoping to go for a nice long walk - maybe on the blvd.  

Peace.

Darn it!!

I jinxed myself being all positive last night.  Of course today was challenging!!  How is it possible that one kid can determine the tone of a class?  Out of 60 6th graders, I have ONE that is so disruptive that it's just no fun for the others.  So I met with he and one of his teachers today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  I really want a good year with both my groups.  The 7th & 8th graders are awesome this year.  Fingers crossed everyone.  Tomorrow is a new day, and it will be better.

Migraine update so you're in the loop as I continue to write about this.  Two years ago I started going to acupuncture for migraines.  I found the daily preventative I was talking wasn't doing much, so I thought I'd try some needles.  I think this started my path toward doing things more naturally.  Anyway,  I had a horrible summer and decided it was time to see a neurologist.  I cannot explain the anxiety this gives me.  I am so freakin' nervous to go on a daily preventative and I'm not sure why.  I did find a neurologist who is very open to alternative methods, and she's also a migraine sufferer, so I'm optimistic.  I just hated it that when I discussed this with my dr., the first thing she said was to try Topomax.  I know that's the latest and greatest for migraines, but if you read about it, there are some pretty heavy duty side effects.  A good friend of mine actually contemplated suicide while on this drug.  So yeah...there's some reluctance here.   Well, my appt with the neurologist is in Oct, so my acupuncturist gave me CoQ10 to try...this is an all natural enzyme supplement that seems to work for many.  I started taking it last Wednesday, and I am now 5 days free of migraines.  I know this doesn't sound like much...but that should give you an idea of how often I've had migraines.  So again...fingers crossed.  

Oh.  My beautiful niece, Emily, got braces yesterday.  First of all - how is she old enough for braces?!  She's supposed to stay 3.  Ugh.  But the funny part is that she LOVES them because they're sparkly.  She says it's like she has bedazzled teeth, or teeth bling.  Her words.  Oye.  Matt said she's also getting a palate expander and headgear, so this attitude of hers is bound to be short lived.  Been there...it's not bedazzled, it's torture.  I feel badly for her.  But the end result will be good obviously.

I'm off - gotta go to the 7th & 8th grade Open House.  This means I get ice cream.  Good times.

Peace.

Welcome

A beautiful mess.  Why would I name my blog that?  Well...I have a beautiful life.  I'm incredibly blessed with an amazing family and friends who support anything and everything I do.  Move to Boston without a job?  Sure...why not?  Move to Maine and teach for the first time after being out of college for 10 years?  Sure...why not?  Guest conduct a district honors festival after only 2 years of teaching?  Sure...why not?  I feel like I can do anything because of my support system.  That's the beautiful part.  The mess part?  Well...I'm pretty much a trial and error type of person.  I don't give a lot of thought to much of what I do...I kind of just jump in because it sounds fun...or challenging.  This type of attitude is pretty humorous and many times it's a mess. Fortunately, there have been no major catastrophe's...just lots of humorous stories and many humbling moments.
It has recently occurred to me that I'm entering a new phase in life.  And it seems to be an interesting one.  I seem to have a very strong desire to be more "natural"...yoga...acupuncture...alternative treatments...more organic foods.  I'm not sure where this comes from, but I like it.  It makes me feel relaxed and confident.  It makes me feel strong and focused.  I feel like for the longest time (all my life) I've tried to figure out who I am...and I guess I'm finally finding it.  (cripes, took me long enough!)  I'm figuring out what I like not only about me, but for me. I WANT to take care of myself so that I can be a better person...not because I want to look better, or feel healthier. Those are just added bonuses.  I feel like I'm a better person living a more natural life (not sure what else to call it...organic?)  I've noticed  my attitude has begun to change...I'm much  more patient, and I choose how to react to things.  Instead of instantly being irritated or angry, I'm more able to step back and figure out if it's really worth that negativism.  Usually it's not.  School has been a struggle the last 2 years - lots of going head to head with the other teachers.  And this year, I'm just going to work with them.  Already I'm seeing results, and they are more willing to work with me as well.  It sounds so simple.  So why does it take 35 years to figure out???   Who care...I can't worry about that.  The point is I'm getting there.
So anyway, I thought it would be good to blog this instead of boring everyone with my theories.  My Lord, I have a lot of theories...about everything!! Migraines...teaching....family...cripes, I even have a gazillion theories on why I'm still single (I blame the upstanding men in my family - they set the standard too high!!).  I've never been one to write in diaries so who knows how this will work out.  But I thought it would at least be good to go  back and read as I journey through this next phase.  I'm optimistic and excited. 


So...let it be known that in the last week I have gone to yoga twice, gone to a Jason Mraz concert with my BFF, and gone 4 days without a migraine.  Things are looking good!!