Note to self...

Dear Self,
I appreciate the pain and frustration you have felt over the past 20 years with migraines.  And I understand that after a glorious month of no such migraines, you suddenly realized what life could be like without them...and that it would be bliss.  So I also understand the urgency that you've felt the past few months to go full speed ahead to do absolutely everything possible to get these migraines under control.  However....it may not have been in your best interest to try them all at the same time...during the busiest time of the year.  Especially when one of these options plays with your emotions and mental state, and another causes physical discomfort.  Perhaps trying one at a time...or at least getting used to one at a time would have been more prudent.  Perhaps then you wouldn't have had 2 weeks where you felt like you wanted to cry at the drop of a pin...and you had to literally walk away from your students into your office to take some deep breaths because if one more of them yelled out "Ms Murray!", you would've either screamed...or cried.  Neither are good options in front of 6th graders. You also would've been able to be the teacher you like to be - connected to your students, asking about their day and ensuring they are feeling good about themselves.  Instead, you were disconnected and unfocused and unable to look them in the eye. Completing a thought was way more than you were capable of. Your parents were worried about you because they couldn't ask about your day without releasing the waterworks. Unstable.  That's what you were.  Unstable.  At the very least, you could've waited on going to the chiropractor so that the back pain and discomfort wouldn't have added to everything else you were already sorting through.  Your shoulders would not have little tiny burn marks on them from the heating pads you kept on all day long. All of this during concert weeks and the stress that goes on with that was probably not smart either.
That said...it was only a couple weeks of pure Hell.  Now that my body has adjusted, things seem better.  I'm myself again (mostly).  My neck is getting better (still working on that).  So sometimes making things worse for a short amount of time so that it gets better quicker is better, right?  No pain, no gain, right?    I honestly don't know the answer to that.  But self, I promise, I will be more responsible, and think things through before I put you through that again.  I will never make you feel like that again. I will never loose control of my emotions and mental capacity like that again.
                                                                                        Love and Peace,
                                                                                        Nancy Karen Murray