God...or Angels....or some higher being.
There are so many negative things going on right now. Every night I go to bed and ask God to look over this person - sometimes I know them, sometimes not - or that situations. Sometimes it's something trivial - I am guilty of the "Please let me meet Mr. Wonderful soon". Sometimes it's so overwhelmingly large that it seems impossible. "Please do not let there be a nuclear catastrophe in Japan". The last month it's been a lot of "Please don't let the district cut my job". Regardless, there is so much negative going on that I can do nothing about. I have an extreme feeling of helplessness. And that's not my nature. I don't handle that well. In fact, it makes me depressed. No matter how many times I text $10 to the Red Cross, it's not enough. On a smaller note, I seem to have taken the morale of the entire country personally and have considered moving to Canada because I just feel awful about how mean everyone is to each other. For real. And there's nothing I can do about how people treat each other. There's nothing I can say to the Governor of Maine or Wisconsin to make them understand how disrespectful they are being to people who want little more than to teach. We just want to make enough to make a decent living. And it's not what they are doing - it's they way they are doing it. And it's everyone's reaction to it. Everyone is so disrespectful to each other. And then I think...but at least we didn't have an earthquake, a tsunami and are now facing nuclear threats. It's just too much. I'm sad. I'm stressed. I'm impatient. I'm depressed. I'm a pessimist. I'm a glass half empty. I cry at the tv an computer.
So last night, I lay in bed and began my chat with God. I went through my normal routine of helping everyone who needs it more than me. And then I lost it. And I cried. And cried. And I realized....right now, I need help. And I asked for it. I needed help dealing with everything going on. I'm overwhelmed with emotions right now and I just needed help. And almost instantly I was given a huge breath. And then another. And I relaxed. I and woke up this morning knowing nothing had changed in the world, but I felt better prepared to handle them. I had a good day with the kids. The pit in my stomach is gone and I felt like I could smile. And I went for a walk.
So my friends, I know you all. You are all kind and good and giving people. You are all selfless. But don't forget to ask for help for yourselves as well. If you don't believe in God, meditate. Take time for yourself and figure it out.
Love & Peace,
'Cois
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