Wisdom of an older sister

I am an older sister.  You didn't know that did you?  Not by blood....but by our fathers were frat brothers.  If I had a Godfather, her dad would be mine.  She called me "sissy" growing up.  She is 5 years younger than me, and for years that was a huge deal.  But since I moved back to Maine, we've grown quite close. 

She's been in a relationship for 5 years with a guy who just isn't right for her.  I like him well enough.  He's a lot of fun to be around...successful...smart...provides well for her...has good intentions.  But he can't provide emotionally for her because of is own issues with his son.  And I don't see it changing....ever.  My friend will always come in fourth after his son, his ex wife and his job.  Always.  I wish she would break up with him.  I wish she could see that, at 30, she has her whole life ahead her.  She wants children, but admits that he can't handle right now...or possible ever.  He doesn't have room.  He sees her and his son as two separate entities - they will never be a family.  He's twelve years older than she is, and he doesn't fit in with her friends anymore.  He spends half his time in Massachusetts now to spend more time with his son. She is in a horrible slump where she feels let down by everyone, and feels horrible about herself.

I wish for her to find the strength to  let him go.  To stop feeling guilty for her own needs.  I wish for to see what she deserves, and to recognize that she may not get it from him.  And I wish for her to not be dependent on him.  And I wish for me to find a balance and know when to just listen, and when to give advice.  While I know what I want for her, I do not know what is best for her.  So I wish for me to be careful not to try to lead her in the direction I want her to take.  But I wish for her to have to strength to find the way to what is best for her.  She is a gem....and should be cherished as such.  It's amazing what 5 years of life can show...but I know she has to find her own way at her own pace on this one.  She will gain my wisdom in her own time.